Facial Hair on Men

Bias: none, just a lifetime of looking around and the occasional kiss

No sir, I don’t like it.

A lot of men don’t shave because they’re lazy. Unacceptable. They end up with that stubbly shit that looks lazy and no one wants to kiss. I once dated a man who had an interestingly groomed beard, but had not shaved the negative spaces before our first, um, intimate encounter, and I had ugly red beard burn for a week. Lazy shaving will do that shit.

There are soft beards. Once kissed a guy with a very soft beard, and even commented on it. “This,” said he, “is virgin beard. I have never shaved.” Wonder if that works for everyone. Never met another man who laid claim to that, so I have no way to compare.

Of course they were in vogue when I was an older teen and I kissed plenty of bearded and mustached men. (Or do we say “mustachioed?”_ When my FWB grew his mustache back, I was very clear that I liked it not at all, but when you’re not the bottom bitch, it’s not your decision to make. Bottom bitch loved it.

Those little sprinkles of facial hair? The soul patch? OK on the right dude. I’ll go out on a limb and say, mostly musicians. Big honkin’ sideburns? The same, I suppose. But, like the soul patches, get rid of those motherfuckers when they go grey. From a distance, they look like a skin disease.

I was inspired to write about this because a dude posted a photo on Facebook with a new beard. All of his old pals liked it. Not me, and I said so. I am, I suppose, a newish friend or acquaintance. They said it made him look…I’m not sure what. No go for me.

I permit one man to have a moustache, and that is the gloriously handsome actor Sam Elliot. Sam Elliot may have as many damn mustaches as he likes.

This also came up, in part, relative to men’s body hair. Boy, I sure have a soft spot for that. When dear Burt Reynolds died, his famous Cosmo centerfold was reprinted in many places, and he sure did have a lovely bounty of chest hair. Something wildly virile about a man with a lot of chest hair. They can usually be spotted by dark forearm hair and a tendency to go bald; it’s a testosterone thing. There are a couple of would presently like to check on, but that can be filed under Not Very Likely. But I do enjoy rubbing my face is a pile of chest hair.

Of course, as always, Your Mileage May Vary,